Wednesday, November 30, 2005

We got Krispy Kremes today (Four boxes! Four!). I guess they are trying to placate us about the fiasco yesterday. What would really help would be a boss in residence aka here in the bull pen with us. Thanks.

I'm kindof really looking forward to getting calls from clients that haven't received a callback from the sales rep, so I can send a bitchy email to the sales rep, report them to my boss, and their boss. Ha ha.

No one believes me when I tell them that they are floating Condoleeza Rice as a viable Republican candidate for 2008. Well here it is, out of the blogosphere and in the mainstream media. I give you the Republican Nominee. Furthermore, she has been rated in numerous surveys as high as Rudi Guliani and John McCain... these three blow any other republican primary candidate completely out of the water. Some more notes. John McCain is the only one that really thumps Hillary in a head to head match up, but make him an independent (not as outlandish as you might imagine) and toss in ms. rice, and its a damn tie, with republicans splitting almost 50-50. The dems need to have a civil but thorough primary, when they have a candidate, they need to be unified and strong. We can only hope that the GOP will have a bloody bloody primary and remain as divided as they are now. McCain cannot win the presidency because as one blogger (who I can't remember, Atrios, Daily Kos, or MyDD) comments, he can reach out to independents and dems, but can't hold his party. Hillary, may run into the same but different problem if she cannot find a way to continue to reach out to independents and repubs without losing her own party. At this time the dems have no other potential candidate rating more than 15% (Hillary is on top, commanding 41% of the hypothetical electorate.)

For all you Facebook lovers out there, here's a story for you. At a university with a no alcohol policy and an overzealous RA took it upon herself to peruse the school's facebook and assign citations to those students that allegedly appeared in pictures with alcohol in violation of the policy. Yeah. A little much, huh? So that's just a warning to all of you that aspire to do great things in life or serve in public office. Beware the pictures you post on the internet.

11:49am So weird. I got a call from corporate services and she had a client on the line who was trying to order one of our products from the website and was having difficulties, could I help her? I said no, that's not really my department, and transferred her to the right one. BUT, do you know what the client's name was? do you? It was my name, first and last. Bizarre. We have six people in the call pool taking calls, and that one came to me. Fucking weird.

Oh, and I failed to mention that yesterday I managed to spot the hottie that works in Marcom, she was wearing-come-fuck-me-boots. Drool.

I kid you not, I got my-name-girl again. The chances of that happening, are ridiculous. Anyway, she was very pleasant, we had a good laugh. She's from Houston and she has dog-piled our name. She asked me if I was the poet. I said no, but she should try googling our name and check out the superhero.

Um, yes…Bushie's speech at Annapolis this morning? Complete shit. Since when did we start calling the terrorists (rebels) obstructionists, and saddamists? Are those even words? He says that we can't have "artificial deadlines," well, how about we have some official deadlines? Certain things happen, we pull some troops out, certain other things happen, we pull more troops out. It's really not that hard. In fact, it's sortof what he's asking for, by his definition, it sounds like an artificial deadline. What exactly would a non artificial deadline look like.

Meanwhile, I came across this. Brace yourself, this is intense.

Speaking of scary things, accidental poisonings from acetaminophen, commonly called Tylenol.

Ok here's the email that our wayward sales rep sent to her boss, and he forwarded it to our boss, who forwarded the original email to us (Names have been with held for security purposes):

As each day further into peak, I am growing more and more concerned with our customer support group........ Is there anything you can do to speak with whoever is in charge of the group- about the uniformity of what they say and do? Here are a few of the things I've heard from my clients:

Holding 10 minutes in between calls
Transferred 5 times from 1 800 number to the next - back and forth
They are giving out pricing that is inaccurate- Free for example: but not indicating that this is a promotion for a focus use card
Telling people that they have placed there order
Telling people they have set up their account
Sending reps emails requesting to put a rush on acct set ups for clients who are calling in
Customer support reps indicating that they are the only one there after 3:30 and that because calls were in Queue, there wasn't much he could do to assist my client need.

These are just a few of the ones in the last 24-48 hours.

And her second email today:
I just received a transferred call from customer support. I get on the phone and one of my client needs me to hold her hand and walk her thru the ordering process. I don't have time for this , and this should have been screened as to what the client needed. Customer service also told them 10 days before they get their order, which has got her all freaked out. I know we are in peak, and maybe I'm in need of clarifying the timelines but it isn't 10 days now is it?

Now tell me that doesn't sound like a small child crying to daddy about something. Honestly folks, I thought I was amongst professionals.

Meanwhile, I've now taken well over 1000 calls for the company.

I think that we all have been wishing for this forever. My pics would be Food Network, USA, TNT, Comedy Central, and local broadcast, maybe CNN - that's all we ever watch.

I like flirting with female callers, just enough so that when they get off the phone they think to themselves, was that girl flirting with me? And the answer, I work on the 200th floor girl, is yes, definitely yes.

Photo of the Day

Originally uploaded by manahanwill.
Try this when it snows.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Listen woman, of course there is a service charge, if you go to exchange money, into another form of money there is a service charge. SO, if you want to change your money into one of our products, you can't do it for free. "I just can't believe that I want to spend $2500 with your company and you're going to charge me $20 in service fees." Oh really, you can't believe that? Here's whats what, a) you are not really buying anything, you are converting your money into a different form, so you're not really spending that money b) the only money that you spend is the fees c) don't talk about your $2500 like you're all big, we have an entire department that solely handles orders over $200k, so step off.

There's nothing like misassigning sales people because the list that you're working off of is outdated by almost 2 months. So yeah, sending off an email because you got a call from a customer because they hadn't receieved a call back; then having that sales rep email you back to tell you that they are not the right person and basically, you suck.

It's sad when the warmest place in the office is in the restroom, and I go there to get warm and run my hands under hot water. It's sad when a coworker notices that you are making hot chocolate and says "huh, it is cold over there in customer support." chuckle chuckle. the temperature of customer support is a running joke in the company. ha fucking ha.

Bossman's been lurking all day, in addition to being busy, I'll report back later.

Lord it's been busy. I'll honestly have to recount this miserable the day from the comfort of my house.

So, my day started out ok, took some calls, dealt with some people, it was all good. Then, shortly after lunch I talked to a very pleasant elderly woman who said that I had been very helpful and that she wished "all the blessings of god upon me and my own." I enjoyed her. So I was pretty upbeat, bouncing around singing ding dong merrily on high,and minding my own business, when our bossman forwards us an email from a damned dirty sales rep chewing us out for supposed screwups. Now, first of all, it was completely unprofessional for bossman to forward the email on to us. Barring that, it was completely unprofessional to that fucking sales rep to bitch about us. She basically said, can't you tell whoever is in charge in that department to do something about their people? Bitch please. She had a whole list of complaints that she had "heard from her customers." Whatever, half that shit is a problem before it even gets to us, and the other half is a flat out lie. So fuck her, and fuck our bossman who did nothing to back us up. Our old boss used to be there for us, run interference when a fuckign sales rep was way out of line. We wouldn't have to deal with all of this shit if they put someone in a leadership position in our department, instead of just yelling at us. Fuckers. We're apparently having some sort of formal meeting to discuss the shit hitting the fan. Fun. Maybe we can talk about how sales are down and how we laugh about the suck so bad. How we get calls all day about how they were set up with the wrong account because their sales rep didn't explain to them or talk to them or ever fucking call them back. So yeah.

And then there's this.

Photo of the Day

playing with water
Originally uploaded by Alan UK.
I showed you mine, now you show me yours?

Monday, November 28, 2005

Not falling asleep until after 4am sucks. More later, after I wake up.

Ok, so yeah, back to the grind after a four day weekend. Here's what we have to look forward to: we have off Dec 23-26, then a three day week, and then off Dec 30 - Jan 2 (not that i'll be around for jan 2) shrug. So T-day was good, lots of good food, good friends, good times.

The firing range. Gotta love the guns. Though I think that a 9mm rifle (see Photo of the Day) is a little strange. Plus, this weapon strongly resembles something out of Halo. Back to the firing range; you sure as hell can't beat firing some 200 rounds as a form or relaxation.

Once again, even though it is (relatively) warm out side, the temperature has plummeted inside. I'm wearing my winter coat, but I forgot my hat and gloves at home. shiver shiver.

really, really crappy hold music.

"Are you purchasing for personal use or on behalf of a company?" "Yes." (silence) Oh, ok, thanks for clearing that up.

Ok people, if you filled out a survey or took a test drive and you were supposed to recieve some kind of gift card for doing the aforementioned thing, and you do not recieve your gift card, calling here is not going to make a damn bit of difference. Here's a brief example, your friend promises you some money if you mow her lawn, you mow the lawn and she doens't give you any money. Calling a bank is not going to get you the money. Talking to the person who promised you the money might. This has been our common sense lesson for the day.

Thanks alot DENA from corporate services. Way to just hang up on me when I couldn't help you with what you needed and rebuffed your attempts to pawn off your cardholder on me. Fuck you.

"Your company is insane." Listen lady, I've already explained that even though we share part of our name with our parent company, we are not our parent company. They are the ones that administer that particular product and thus I cannot help you. I've given you your options, and been very polite and helpful. I'm sorry that you were transferred here by someone who doesn't know how to do their job right, but don't fucking yell at me!

Photo of the Day


Beretta Storm 9mm

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Surprisingly, Greg showed up today after having called in sick yesterday. At any rate, I wonder how many calls we will get today considering that half the people in my office are out today...I just wonder how many people in other offices are taking off for the Thanksgiving holiday a day early.

There's something ironic and deliciously satisfying about watching The Biggest Loser , while chowing down on a McDonald's value meal.

As you all know, I consider it my duty to scour the internet everyday for new and interesting content. Here's the news roundup:

From CNN International, a bartender was convicted for serving a clearly intoxicated man tequila shots until he died. Apparently the bartender "tricked" the drinker, by taking water shots as the man took real shots, so the man, thinking he was in a drinking contest continued to down shots. Devious as this might be, it was still the drinker who drank 19, yes 19 shots of tequila in an hour and a half. Now, as a fan of tequila (even though it fucks me up), I can't blame him for partaking of the worm infused concoction. However, knowing that tequila fucks you up, I would never, ever drink 19 shots of the stuff. Granted, I did have six to conclude my 21st birthday celebrations in about a half hour. However, after being floored and yakking the up burger I had for dinner (in front of a girl, no less, a vegetarian), I will never have more than two shots of tequila at a time. And anyone who has ever had tequila knows that it is unwise to take more than 4 shots of the stuff at a time, let alone 19! Ok, anyway...

From Google News, during a live presentation of a speech by VP Dick, a large black "X" graphic repeatedly flashed over the VP's talking head. Officials at CNN had no explanation for the problem, but eventually labeled it an accidental technical error. Rumor has it that some wily CNN technicians were having a little fun with the VP. Efforts to intentionally reproduce the "X" were unsuccessful. Personally I think it's a very clever editorial commenting on Cheney's speech about how it is "dishonorable and subject to condemnation" to claim that Bushie mislead Americans about WMDs. Here's another fun editorial comment done in an extremely backhanded way.

From Bag News Notes, Bushie tries to exit through a locked door after a meeting with President Hu Jintao. I'll let the pics speak for themselves, here's the link You should note that these ran on the front page of the NYT sparking cries of overt partisanship.
From the NYT, energy drinks are taking an increasing share of the market, surpassing sales for regular soda drinks. But that's not the interesting stuff. A standard can of energy drink has three times the caffeine in regular soda. Energy drinks are banned in four countries because of caffeine levels. (Including Red Bull, but I'm sure you already knew that Katie.) Critics warn that the popularity of the energy drinks stems from the physically addicting nature of the drinks. Apparently it takes 100 milligrams a day of caffeine to produce symptoms of dependency and withdrawal. (Dan knows this well.) A 12-oz coffee has 195 milligrams of caffeine, Red Bull has 80mg, and Coke has 34mg. Funny how no one seems to be banning coffee these days even though it has more than twice the caffeine as (arguably) the most potent energy drink. In defense of Red Bull, it does recommend not drinking more than two a day, and you see no such admonition from coffee makers or cola makers. Note, however, that you would have to drink 64 oz of Coke before you even begin to approach the caffeine levels of a cup of joe.

For all you happy-go-lucky liberals, Wreck the Nation, where whoever spends all of the public's money first wins! It looks similar to Monopoly, but you don't want to make or keep money. Monopoly is a vicious game. Long term friendships are strained, people make side deals involving sexual favors, things are thrown. Monopoly is not a good game. Dune, the boardgame, is worse. Take all the antagonism that goes along with Monopoly, add side deals that are not only allowed, but encouraged, tip the scales in favor of some of the "pieces" you pick and the need to have a basic understanding of the esoteric storyline in Dune, and you have Dune, the boardgame. I love it. But maybe that's because I've read Dune many many times... and the five sequels... and the six prequels ... and listened to the audio books... and partaken of the spice melange ... and worshipped Shai-Hulud ...and changed the spice waters... holy fuck, I am Mahdi, the savior, Paul Muad'Dib Atreides...

On a different note, lego shaped hard drives because who doesn't love legos. Though we don't have good legos anymore, I think that it is damn near impossible to buy just plain legos without getting some stupid, not able to think for yourself set (including Harry Potter, Star Wars, Dora). Now, I admit that when I was a kid, a had a pirate ship set, a british navy, set and a fortress set, but I also had innumberable amounts of plain old legos to build whatever my little heart desired. Also Lincoln Logs, and Tinker Toys. There was nothing like building a suspension bridge out of Tinker Toys for my electric train to cross over and smash into a structure of Lincoln Logs. So yeah, building materials without sets, I support that. Upon further research, it is possible to buy a tub of standard pieces, however, the marketing has definitely trended towards sets and cross marketing.

It's just a great day for news. Here's your continued round-up.
It's not just the Texans! In an earlier post, I reported that a town named Clark, Texas had recently allowed its name to be changed to DISH, as in DISH Network. I may have possibly berated the poor townspeople for allowing themselves to be bought out by corporate America, and I may have possibly made some disparaging comments about Texans. Well, it turns out that it's not just the Texans. It's also the Idahoians (?!). A little town in Idaho, went from Santa, to the town of The townspeople sold out for cash to replace aging waste and sanitation systems. A good cause I suppose, but but now, instead of being Santians (a ridiculous sounding name any way) they are now secretsanta.comians. Congrats.
Politics. Our dear president may have actually called for the destruction of Al-Jazeera, that pesky news agency that just won't get in line with the spin. Rumor has it that there is a classified transcript from when Bushie met Britain's Blair earlier this year. During that meeting, Bush allegedly expressed a desire to bomb Al-Jazeera and Blair talked him out of it. Talked him out of bombing a journalist enterprise in a country that we are not at war with. Does this sound slightly fascist to anyone else? But wait, there's more. Blair has now informed the UK press that anyone that releases the classified document will face arrest and prosecution under the Official Secrets Act. Sounds like the rumor might be true doesn't it? And as AMERICAblog points out, one of the UK press should just email the damn thing across the big drink because we (thankfully) don't have an Official Secrets Act (yet).

More Politics
A couple of weeks ago there was a big brouhaha over whether the US Military (USM) had used chemical weapons during the assault on Falluja, injuring civilians and rebel (Yes, rebel. I refuse to use the euphemism, "insurgents" or "insurgency." "Insurgent" refers to one who is rising in revolt against an established authority, especially a government. "Rebel" one who refuses allegiance to and opposes by force a ruling authority. )forces alike. The weapon in question is called white phosphorus and is banned under Protocol III of the Convention on Certain Conventional Weapons (Unlike 80 other countries the United States is not a signatory of Protocol III), and some claim that it should be banned under the Chemical Weapons Convention because of its toxic nature.
First the USM denied using the weapon during the assault on Falluja, then it said that it had used it as a smoke screening type of device, then they said that had used it as an incendiary device against combatants (rebels). The USM always contended that white phosphorus was not a chemical weapon. However, as per , The Independent a declassified Department of Defense report states that "Iraqi forces loyal to President Saddam may have possibly used white phosphorous chemical weapons against Kurdish rebels and the populace in Erbil and Dohuk. The WP chemical was delivered by artillery rounds and helicopter gunships." So, basically, it's a chemical weapon when President Saddam used it, but when we use it, it's a conventional weapon....right.

Only two hours and 55 minutes until I'm free for four days! On tap for the Thanksgiving Break is dinner with both sides of the family, relaxing, drinking of copious amounts of hard cider, the city museum, ice skating and eating, eating, eating. Adventures will be taking a sabbatical for the entirety of those four days, but please check back on Monday.

So I was reading a run-of-the-mill article on CNN about how astronauts to Mars are going to have to grow much of their own food right there on board. I'm thinking, ok, cool. Segue to the idea that you have to keep waste and weight down. Ok, cool. And then you hit this sentence "Some studies are looking into the use of fish -- specifically tilapia -- as a way to recycle shower water, toilet waste and the water clothes are washed in. Tilapia eat human waste and are safe for human consumption afterward." AHHHHHH!!! And then, ok, cool. Though, I understand that the fishy would eat the human waste from the toilet, but how does shower water, and washing clothes water fit in?

One hour and 56 minutes. The office has gone almost completely silent except for the occasional phone ringing. People still call and want things by Monday, don't they realize that a) it can't be done, and b) they shouldn't have waited until the last minute to do this? And I suppose that all of my corporate world buddies had the day off today or were too busy to talk, because I did not exchange a single email today.

Scratch that. Kristen just emailed me something that looks like it could be interesting, but my computer won't open it. She's like a big tease.

Photo of the Day

Angel 3
Originally uploaded by Szmytke.
Quando cor nostrum visitas,
Tunc lucet ei veritas,
Mundi vilescit vanitas,
Et intus fervet caritas.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I got my computer back! It only cost $140 to get it fixed, which is exceptional because I thought that it was going to be closer to $300, and now it is fixed! So I spent several hours last night puttering around on the computer that I have not had for more than 3 months, and updating facebook. That's right, you can now see many random pics of random events from last year right there on my facebook profile. Facebook has a really nice interface for uploading and tagging photos, I strongly support all of my friends adding pics so that I might steal them from the site for my own personal stores. Also, so that I am more easily able to blackmail the future stars of America using their facebook profiles, friendster profiles, AIM away messages, pictures gleaned from kabance and facebook. I love the internet.

Greg isn't in today, apparently he is sick. Funny how he seemed perfectly fine yesterday. So, I guess after 3:30, I'll be fielding all of the calls that come in. Yesterday, that meant nearly 30 calls on my end only, so double that, I can expect damn near 60 calls today after 3:30. great, just great.

For an outstanding accounting of the so-called downfall of the Bush presidency, an excellent timeline.

Food food and more food. Today was the Thanksgiving potluck, I had forgotten it was today and brought my lunch, but I can wait to eat potato soup until tomorrow. There were four tables of food. An entire table for cheese/crackers/veggie trays, an entire table for side dishes, an entire table for desserts. There was chicken, turkey and ham. Oh, it was so good. And now I am very full and somewhat sleepy.

Lets talk about those anti-reflection screens that some people put over their computer screen. I believe that they cut down on the glare and help your eyes out if you stare at a computer screen all day. An interesting thing to note about the screens however, is that if you glance at a screen from any angle or distance away from the screen that is not directly in front of it at a distance of 18 or so inches, the screen appears completely black. In other words, if you have one of these do-dads, no one can see what you're looking at on your screen! Basically, I need to get one.

Once again, I had a shadow and was unable to post or go online for hours and hours, but they are gone now. Thank god. At any rate, I have a friend who sells asspads, yes you heard me right, asspads. Check it out.

Also, did I mention that it is now officially "hella busy" around here. Back to back to back to back calls. Bleh. My throat is sore from talking so damn much, fortunately I've got the whole talk down pat, and I can just talk on autopilot. But let's talk more about the people that are annoyed with me because they need something on Monday and they waited until the last minute to do it and now they don't understand why we, I, can't get it done over the Thanksgiving Holiday.

Also, there's this compliments of Ariela. Now tell me that that those last five are not photoshopped. They are clearly drawn on the models.

I think that I've permanently lost the ability to become cold. I've had my sleeves rolled up all day and haven't been cold once. I must have gotten used to the cold. Maybe my blood get thicker or something. Also I think that my hands will feel perpetually cold to the touch. That's going to be pleasant for my next lover. Sarcasm sarcasm...

Photo of the Day

The Shape of my Heart
Originally uploaded by frozeout.
We were not meant to be alone. Horses, lions and wolves walk strong alone, run strong alone, but humans are perpetually falling from one step to another. We know, instinctively, that four feet are better than two.

Monday, November 21, 2005

We have light in the apartment! The super finally came and fixed the light fixture that has been broken for going on three years. It turns out that we were just missing the pull cord, which means that the damn thing was entirely functional, we just had no way of moving it from the off position. But, finally we have light, and he even fixed the fixture in my room, almost all the way. And, we insulated the windows to cut down on the heating bill, because I sure as hell don't want to be slapped with a $300+ heating bill this year.

So we have two new people in our teamspace, and yet no one has bothered to introduce us to them, or them to us. They look friendly though. However, I do have to share my cube again, but this time instead of invading someone else's cube, my cube has been invaded, so it's a different attitude.

Ok, everyone has been introduced and it's all good. I'm still a little unclear as to how they are going to train these new people up to speed during peak, when it took them 2 weeks to train us before they let us on the phones. In addition to having several weeks of "trial runs" before peak. Whatever, it's not really my problem.

I'm going to have to leave everyone for a couple of hours today because one of the new people is going to be sitting in with me, which means, among other things, no internet. Blarg. Hopefully, she'll only sit with me for a little while.

Good lord, I hope that she's not going to listen to me all week because I'm getting hoarse talking on the phone and then explaining to her things too. When she goes home for the day, I'll relate the story of the crazy lady and the irate man. At any rate, my shadow is coming back from her break in a minute, so more later!

She's gone! So sorry everyone, for being MIA like that all day. Here's your update. It was back to the old pen and paper there for awhile, didn't want to set a bad example for my shadow. Though, I did find out that my big boss asked our acting team leader would be good for her to listen to, and she said me. That's good because it means that she has a high opinion of me and elevated me (in the eyes of my boss) above all of the other temps. Good good good. Meanwhile, Greg has been on the phone sorting out some issue about something that we don't even deal with for over 35 minutes, leaving me to field all the "real" calls. Thanks Greg. On to the crazies!

Ok, so I really only remember the one crazy, all the others have disappeared from my head, but there was this one guy who called and told me that he had taken a day off work in order to recieve his shipment of the item that he had ordered and why hadn't they arrived yet and where were they. I informed him that our department does not handle the product that he was referring to and I had no way of looking that information up for him. I then offered to put him through to the customer support team that handles that particular product. It was at this point that he told me that the company that shares part of our name has the worst customer service and that I should be ashamed. I said that I was very sorry to hear that that's what he thought (even though I could care less), and again offered to transfer him to the correct support group. He again questioned me as to why I couldn't help him when it was our number that was on the website. I calmly informed him that we did do orders over a certain number and that's why our number was listed, but for his order, I would need to transfer him. He then once again insisted that he did not understand why I could not help him. I informed him that I had no access to the system that his order was listed in. He asked why we didn't have an integrated system. I then informed him that though we share part of our name with our parent company, we are not associated with our parent company and thus had no access to the system he was referring to. Finally, finally I was able to get him out the door and transferred. It was only later, when I was listening to Greg during his 35 minute saga, that I realized that he had the same guy, except he was trying to go the extra mile and find out more information for this guy. Now, more power to Greg for going the extra mile, but while he was handling a caller that wasn't even our customer, we had calls in queue, because I was the only one on the phones. Acting team leader Rhonda pretty much read him the riot act. Which is funny, because the things she was saying I was thinking in my head.

Ok, and I totally remembered the crazy lady who called. We went through the whole process, I gave her the whole rundown, filled out her information, and was telling her that someone would get back to her within 24-48 hours, standard time frame, and she became all flustered about how she had been told earlier today that if she did this she could have them tomorrow morning, and that she needed them tomorrow morning. And I'm thinking woman, why did you wait until the day before you needed them to start making inqueries about getting them? You waited until the last minute, so don't get irritated with me.

How insane will people get? Parents sue video game company because wayward son attempts a move he saw in the game, and died. Anyone reminded of Bill Hicks' commentary about the effects of being on acid? "A tragic story, boy tripping on acid, thinks he can fly jumps out of window and dies-- why didn't he make luck a duck and take off from the ground. you don't see ducks lining up for the escalator to fly south." Anyway, the story is here.
also, people playing a video game so long they die? What the FUCK!?

Photo of the Day

window washing
Originally uploaded by The RedLion.
Holiday pay is great...if you qualify.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Waking up in a bad mood is the worst. Going to bed in a bad mood can be ok, because you sleep it off, but just waking up angry, irrated and frustrated is just the worst.

There's nothing like a few dumb callers, an email from a friend, and a cup of hot chocolate to make you feel better. Really dumb callers.

No Ma'am, I don't think that you have an account set up with us, you may have an account set up with our parent company, are you absolutely certain that you have an account set up with our company? Yes? Ok, well I'll transfer you over to my collegue and he can look you up. (Turn to Carl) You're going to get a woman, who insists that she has an account set up with us, I'm almost certain that she doesn't. So just look up her info, tell her she doesn't have an account and bounce her back to me so I can set her up with one.

For all you bargin hunters out there:

Not withstanding the irony, my boss just emailed us to tell us to limit our internet activity to breaks/lunch. In the meantime, we are suppose to "review our materials." Oh, do you mean the materials that I reviewed for two weeks during training? Those materials? You mean the materials that I studied only to get a near perfect score on the comprehensive test that we took. Those materials? If you don't want me to use the internet, then train me to do something else. I am not going to sit completely idle and stare at my cube wall. Here's a short demonstration, at most, I get 40 calls a day, that's 5/hour. Each call can be wrapped up in at most 4 minutes, mulitiply by 8 hours a day, that gives 160 minutes of the day that I'm on the phone. Here's the kicker, the rest of the time 320 minutes, compromises 66% of my day. And you want me to sit idle for almost 5.5 hours. Or rather, study my materials for 5.5 hours per day. Keep dreaming. Or don't even dream, how is that a valid use for my time, my time that you are paying for. Wouldn't it make more sense for you to find a way for me to productively add to the company? No? Well then I may as well just surf the net.

Futhermore, if other callers are allowed to read, or write papers, what's so different about the internet? You can't police what I'm thinking or really, what I'm doing, I mean I could be sitting here writing porn. Would you rather I was surfing the internet and educating myself with politics or handwriting porn? Your choice.

I honestly couldn't say what I've been doing for the past four hours. But now I'm playing soft squishy basketball with Greg across our team space. One hour and 37 minutes remain until the weekend!!! Oh and we hit 1,000 unique hits today. Go me.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Photo of the Day

Originally uploaded by wendie7.
You wake up on Saturday morning...

Thursday, November 17, 2005


Entertaining websites, the first compliements of Julia and the second compliments of myself:

Jerry Springer Mad Libs
Trippy Mind Game

As per Zak's observation, and further investigation, it appears that the story about the vibrators at Target is false. The Elexa brand by Trojan is going to have several products at Target including lube and condoms, but sadly, no vibrator.

Ok, so in my travels through cyberspace everyday, I encounter new and interesting things. This is one of the wildest things I have every come across, the pentop computer

It's surprisingly slow here today, and quiet. I think that all the important people are in a meeting, so the office floor is pretty quiet. And, I'm hungry. In other news, Harris has Bushies approval/disapproval at 34%/65%

I'm told that in spite of our lack of hot water, I can still comfortably wash up if I microwave a damp towel. This cannot go on.

The cold has addled my brain today and I am mostly without words. That being said, here's something annoying. For a certain product we transfer people over to a different department, we're supposed to do a warm transfer, which means that we introduce the two and then bow out. So the full timers have full liberty to bounce people that just need to have their information taken to the temps. However, once they establish that they are this certain product, how hard would it be to take them over to the other department themselves instead of bouncing them to us, and then having us bounce them out to the department they need to go to. Not only is it annoying for me, but the caller then has to be transferred twice, instead of directly where they need to go. And it's not like the full-timers don't have time to make the warm transfer, there are no calls in queue today, they just don't want to. Thanks guys.

Not having homework is about this coolest thing ever. You toil at some mindless task all day, make money while doing it, and when you come home, that time is yours. After 5pm (6pm for me), you're free. Weekends are your own. And you don't have to worry about what you left at your job, it'll be waiting for you the next morning or Monday.

Texas Town (goes completely crazy) and Adopts Corporate Name

Photo of the Day

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Top Three Warmest Parts of My Day
1. Waking up in my bed
2. Hot shower
3. Driving to work, heat on full blast

Top Three Coldest Parts of My Day
1. Sitting at work.
2. Getting out of the shower
3. Walking to the office from overflow

So, we're getting two more temps in here starting on Monday. And one of our own is moving over to do full-timer work (she just happens to be the least qualified of the four temps). So one of the new temps will round out our numbers, and the other will take on some of the management duties that Beth left behind. What does this mean for us? More oversight maybe, same number of calls, and having to put up with two people's incompetence on the full-timers' side. grr.

Per Alexis' request, the story about vibrators at Target

Since it's my duty to bounce around the internet and find new and interesting sites for all those in cubeland (and those that are just bored) to peruse. Here's a new one. Bag News reports on the politics of visual media. Fascinating.

Instant hot chocolate is very good, and the makers have the process of making good hot chocolate instantly down. Instant apple cider, not good, not even drinkable. Interesting theory about cider. My roommate claims that you can make your own alcoholic cider in your own house. Simply take a gallon of regular old cider from the store and put it in a dark closet for a week . . . she claims that she's going to make some. I am skeptical.

I'd like to go home now. Instead, four hours and 55 minutes remain.

Do you really care how I'm doing today, or are you just asking? Sometimes, I want to scream at callers (usually for bizarre/strange questions) "I have no answers to your questions!!!" But, I don't, and that's probably a good thing. Surprisingly, even though it is 36 degrees outside and feels like 26 degrees, the temperature in the office is fairly pleasant. There is the occasional chill, and my hands are always cold, but at least I'm not wracked by shivers like I have been in the past weeks.

Jamie works for Playboy, she had a very nice voice and I took the liberty of selecting for Industry/Business Type - "Amusement and Recreation Services" I think it's appropriate.

I really hate incompetent people. I just spoke to a frazzled woman 3 times in the past 30 minutes because incompetent people aren't doing their jobs and instead are bouncing her to me.

In response to the argument that "The Theory of Evolution is just that, a theory." "The Theory of Gravity is also just a theory, but I don't see anyone arguing that we are held to the Earth by invisible strips of velcro."

Photo of the Day

Paradiso Perduto
Originally uploaded by Oso Castillo.
Where has my heart gone? An uneven trade for the real world...I want to go back to believing in everything and knowing nothing at all.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

People can't handle driving in the rain. It's a fact. Now I can understand rain at night. Rain at night sucks. You can't see the lanes, the reflections from the lights play on the water on the road in a maddening light display. However, light rain in broad daylight does not mean freak out and drive like maniacs.

There really is nothing like sitting back and watching the Republican Party tear itself apart. Now don't get me wrong, not all Republicans are bad. But as my dad said, "this Republican Party is not the party I've supported for my whole life." And it isn't. So, I don't feel at all bad sitting back, drinking my beer, watching the Bush-led theocracy tear itself to pieces over things that should be no brainers.

1) Support the torture ban. No explanation needed. Decent people don't torture.

2) Don't so obviously cater to the Religious Right, they are not your base, and while catering to them, you are losing people like my dad.

3) Shut the fuck up about Roe v. Wade -- 60% of America supports a woman's right to choose.

4) Fire Karl Rove- he has done more for the disuniting of America than any difference in ideology.

5) Take responsibility for bad pre-war intelligence. Say we were wrong about going to war, but we have to finish what we started for our troops and the Iraqi people.

6) Roll back the tax cuts. The nation cannot afford them right now, and the insanely wealthy can afford to help us out a little.

7) Support Katrina relief. You don't have to rebuild the city (the debate continues - though the US has never just abandoned a city, and arguably we cannot and should not, but the debate continues.), but you do have to take care of the people.

8) Stop getting involved in the Intelligent Design debate, especially when you're on the wrong side - Intelligent Design is not a theory, it has no place in the science class room. If something cannot be disproved, it is NOT SCIENCE.

9) Don't drill in ANWR - it's true that maybe people don't go to visit, but that's not the point. We must preserve the beauty of this world, not for us, but for our children - even if they never visit, they must have the option. And if you're so for ID, then why don't you get this? The majesty of heaven in the beauty of earth, and you want to cover it in oil rigs.

10) Wise up about energy - as Lauren pointed out, we have hand-held video viewers, but we can't come up with economical solar cells, wind mills, mass produced hybrid cars, clean energy.

11) Reach out to Dems. Encourage bipartisan cooperation, not polarized alienation.

And there you have it. Clean up the Grand Old Party. Create meaningful dialogue. Unite the nation. Restore our place in the global community.

"Thanks a lot hon."

My landlord sucks. Not only did he fail to adequately inspect between tenets, meaning that we are going to get slammed with three years of damages, but also that there are things that have been broken for years. For instance, many of you have experienced the magic detaching and reattaching door knob - well I finally fixed that myself, after putting in numerous repair requests, and I fully intend to deduct it from my rent. It's called repair and deduct BOB! Next, half the locks on the ground floor windows don't work, this is a violation of our lease. Thanks Bob. The back door allows a palpable draft during the winter. I've managed to cut down on the breeze by applying heavy paper and duct tape. Thanks Bob. In addition the light fixture in the dining room hasn't worked in three years, making it quite dim. Two of the four light sockets in my light fixture also do not work, making my room, also, quite dim. My door doesn't shut, the floor is sloped, the linoleum is coming up in the kitchen, there's no hot water in the bathroom sink, the fire escape is rusted through, we have no mailbox key, etcetera etcetera ETCETERA!

I'd just like to share that everyone else in this company gets to leave 1.5 hours earlier than normal next Wednesday, except us. The phone lines stay open until 6pm, no matter what. Damn.

Really folks? Selling land on the moon? How did you think that you were going to make that claim?

Hey! Greg is getting to use his fluent spanish today. Someone just called and wanted to speak to someone that spoke spanish. I'm proud of myself that I was able to pull out enough spanish to make the transfer. Go me.


There is a chance for flurries tonight ... maybe we'll turn on our heat ... nah!

Me: "Thank you for calling Customer Support, this is Jennifer, how can I help you"
Caller: "Hi Jennifer, how are you today?"
Me: "I'm doing well, and yourself?"
Caller: "Good (pause). Hey! I was hoping that you could help me out with something."
Me: "Sure, anything I can do."

It's funny to recognize when someone is using a technique that they learned in a manager training program to get compliance from you. It's even more funny when you recognize it and it still works on you.

Here's another Rachel Ray recipe for everyone:

Grilled Cheddar and Bacon

Fry up some bacon
slice 1/4 inch slices of cheddar
Butter two slices of bread
one slice in the pan, butter side down
place 3 slices of cheese on bread
top with bacon
top with more cheese
last, remaining slice of bread, butter side up
grill on one side
flip the whole thing
grill on the other side
continue until both sides are golden brown and cheesy is gooey.
Enjoy with a nice cold beer.
I can't wait to get home for dinner tonight.

If you liked Paul Hackett, then you'll probably like these fighting democrats running for US congress. And here's some righteous indignation felt by our men and women in uniform on Veteran's Day.

Space Cadet Numero Uno just tried to leave because she thought it was 6pm. Yeah.

Photo of the Day

James the doorman (III)
Originally uploaded by ahyc.
"I fear you do not fully comprehend the danger of abridging the liberties of the people. Nothing but the sternest necessity can ever justify it. A government had better go to the extreme of toleration than to do aught that could be construed into an interference with, or to jeopardise in any degree, the common rights of its citizens." -Lincoln

Monday, November 14, 2005

Oh god, shoot me in the face. Happy Monday.

"Well your ad is very misleading, maybe you should send a note to someone to tell them that the public doesn't understand." No, maybe you just don't understand.

The only redeeming part of today, so far, is that it is not cold, for once. I am actually a comfortable temperature and my hands have not frozen to my keyboard.

Anyone see last Friday's StudLife? Naked people! Naked people in the paper! StufLife printed full frontal male/female nudity. Go here. Apparently there were about 8 streakers last Thursday in the quad, and of course, StudLife was there to snap some pictures. I find it hilarioius. Go streakers. What is not funny is a freshman's letter to the editor in today's paper that calls for the women pictured (and all WashU women), to use a razor. Really now, the men in the pictures were in much more dire need of a razor. Since when is it ok to call for women to completely shave. Hey, sometimes it's nice, but is by no means required. And the women pictured, seemed to be very well kept. On the other hand, the men pictured, looked like they could have used a razor, or at the least gotten a lesson on the benefits of trimming...

Hmm ... you need something by next Wednesday and now you're discovering that's not really possible...maybe you should have taken care of this earlier instead of starting the process today. And don't yell at me, it's not my fault that you waited. Other notable complaints "the website is telling me that I have invalid information." Ok, well, do you? That could be the problem.

At least today, I brought my umbrella. I asked Lauren if I could borrow an umbrella because I didn't have one, and she said that she had many in her car. So, instead of picking out a darker colored, somber, umbrella, she hands me Purple McPurp, a hugely bright purple umbrella. And it's nice to walk out of my office amongst a sea of black "professional" umbrellas, while I'm carrying the Purp.

Speaking of cold, it's about to get cold in the city this week, overnight low on Wednesday night - 28 degrees. wrap those blankets closer and batten down the hatches. Do as Mom always told you, and put on your jacket

3:16 pm
It has been brought to my attention, that not only has Target (bastion of the middle class), not only have they started selling vibrators (amen.), but they have also embarked on a line of lube. And let me tell you, it is something to write home about. Durex brand lube, available at a Target near you. More specifically, Durex Tingling Sensations: Wintergreen. Now, I haven't tried it as a team sport, but I can assure you that the solo action is good, even great. Furthermore, I have it on good authority that as a couple's activity its good too (on its own or with toys). Which brings me to my next point: the only drawback is that it is silicone based, so no using it with your silicone toys, unless you make like a resourceful person and slap a condom over your favorite toy and then go to town. (The lube is condom safe). So Happy Holidays, and enjoy.

I like pleasant callers. Is it really so hard? I mean I work to be pleasant and helpful and cheerful. Really? Is it really so hard? Administrative assistants and executive assistants are the worst.

Only one hour and fifty minutes left, but it feels like forever. Meanwhile, I failed to mention that I had completed all of my law school applications on Saturday. Go me. It was kind of like withdrawing $500 from the bank and burning it as some sort of offering to the lawyer gods, an incantation to future wealth. At any rate, it is done.

Really people, is the prompt so hard? "Press 1 for existing accounts. Press 2 to set up new accounts." I cannot look at your account, I cannot help you through the ordering process, I set up new accounts and answer general questions. No, I don't want your account number because I literally have no way to look it up, or tell you anything about it. Thank you.

I was only cold every once in a while today, as opposed to shivering through the 8.5 hour day. So, at least that's something.

Photo of the Day

Don't cry, you're not alone.

Lift your head up high, Give it another try.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Tasty and Motor

Motor and Tasty

Friday, November 11, 2005

Good news! A roommate has been found. Ironically, her name is Jessica and she is coming back from Chile. She's a junior, so we'll have three juniors and two grads in the house.

I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce two new words into your vocabulary:
SLIRT - a slut who squirts
SLIZZARD - a lizzard slut
I hope you have enjoyed our vocab lesson for the day.

Let's talk about awkward driving moments. You're at a stoplight. You're making a left hand turn. The person across from you is making a lefthand turn. You both get the green light -- no arrow. Who goes first? I must have spent 45-60 seconds last night dancing with some other car, because we didn't know who should go first. Driving away from the situation, Ariela summed it up best, "I feel awkward." Me too, me too.

How glad am I that I'm not taking the GRE? But here's a shout out to everyone that is! Major props for going through with it. On a different note, here's a haiku from Andrew:

Jen Sparks
You and Angelina
It's going to happen

Thanks Andrew! And good luck on the GRE! You're the smartest guy I know!

As you all know, I hate Rachel Ray. I hate her most for her annoying acronyms and abbreviations that are supposed to make it faster for her to talk about ingredients. Common offenses include "sammie" for "sandwich" and egregiously, EVOO for "extra virgin olive oil." Ok, so these cute little words/abbreviations might potentially save time, except that she says things like "use some of that EVOO, that's extra virgin olive oil -- hehe (insert annoying laugh here)." EVERY DAMN SHOW! Ok, so I hate Rachel Ray, that much is clear. Apparently, on a recent show, she said something to the effect of "EVOO - ready to go -- hehe." Gah!! Now for a Rachel Ray-like recipe, compliments of my dad:

Open-faced Ham and Cheese
Slice several loaves of french (or similar) bread down the length
Pile 1/4 inch sliced ham on each piece
Pile shredded cheddar and mozzarella on top
Bake for seven minutes at 400 degrees

Really Rachel Ray, 30 minute meals are hard. I think I've now offered 4-5 recipes that can easily be completed in about 15 minutes. Go me.

How to Write a Political Poem
My favorite line is not included in this version, but it would be inserted after he talks about Al Gore, and the line is "Ohhhh see what I did? I called Al Gore a Republican. This must mean that my political sensibilities are more finely tuned than your own." Enjoy. I have a audio version of this, maybe when I figure out how to put that here, I'll put that here.


Isn't it a little bit scary that you can put bits of code on your website that log all sorts of interesting things about the people that visit? Like, country, state, city and ISP Like screen resolution, browser and server name. Like if this is your first visit, how many times you visited, how you got here . . . isn't the internet grand?

I've accidentally introduced my coworkers to the world of blogs. I've set up a blog that is ok for them to read. The World According to Jen It's not much, but I might update it once in a while. And beware, there will probably be quite a bit of replication from here, over there.

I just recieved a StudLife email edition news flash. I know I know, I still recieve StudLife (hangs head in shame)....anyway, apparently a cyclist was injured when he was struck by a bus. Yeah, I could see where the biker would come away injured. And this would be a tragedy if the bus had been driving recklessly endangering everyone around it, pedestrians, small animals, cyclists. But by all accounts, the cyclist ignored a red light, entered the intersection and proceeded to be struck by the oncoming bus. Which brings me to my point. If you are on a bike, and you want to be treated with respect, YOU MUST OBEY TRAFFIC LAWS. You cannot have it both ways. You cannot legitimately demand your space on the road, only to encounter a long line at a red light and meander between the cars to avoid the wait. You cannot legitimately demand your space on the road if you run stop signs. OBEY the law, and people with treat you with more respect. There is nothing worse than a whiney cyclist, or bumper sticker that says "Share the Road -- It's the Law." Guess what, that same law that gives you the right to the road, depends on your obeying the laws of the road. Ergo, stop at stoplights, and you won't get hurt.

That's right Greg, you just keep missing days, last half of shifts, first part of shifts, training days. The more you miss, the better I look. Not that we were ever on the same level, but still. Damn, you didn't get that job, oh well, I'm sure you'll continue looking for one, and hopefully you'll take it, and I will be the last one here. And they will have to take me on for longer. yes... yes!

Friday's are fucking slow. I've had 16 calls in nearly nearly 6.5 hours. That's 2.5 calls/hour or roughly 5 minutes/hour on the phone. Bored!

FDA Reports Reduced Risks with Condoms Really?!? Condoms reduce the risk of pregnancy and the transimission of STDs? Really?!?!? I had no idea.

They play music here on Friday's, just one song, sometime between 4:30-5pm because it's the weekend. It's bittersweet for us though, because we aren't done until 6pm, and when music is playing over the office intercom, it makes it really hard to hear the fucking caller.

My cubemate just got the cube next to me. He's moving. Woe. I will be the envy of Karen and Greg, who are the only ones still sharing a cube.

Photo of the Day

Originally uploaded by merialc.
Awake and know thyself Supreme.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Karen is out sick today, which means that once again the temps are shorthanded. Oh, and I forgot my lunch. This is shaping up to be a GREAT Thursday. The only foreseeable redeeming qualities include: I parked in overflow, not the pit, I'm having dinner with my parents tonight, blue hill with Ariela, and my speeding ticket was plead down to "littering on public property."

To date, I have fielded in excess of 500 calls on behalf of my company.

I just ran into a coworker who i swear looks like Lucy Diamond from the movie D.E.B.S. Which, by the way is fantastic. It's like a delicious combination of Better than Chocolate, But I'm a Cheerleader and Bring it On -- three of my most favorite movies. Anyway, it's about a secret organization of female spies that run around with heavy weaponry, wearing catholic school girl outfits. Yes, please.

Wow. Make real money in a virtual environment.
Project Entropia

Some dude has been in college for 12 years, accumulated twice as many credits needed to graduate, and yet has failed to complete his senior thesis.

Living the Dream

Please just shoot me in the face now. I can't look at another webpage and I think that the temperature just dropped 10 more degrees, bringing us to right around 30 degrees here in the old office. That trashcan bonfire is looking pretty tempting right now, but I'm fairly certain that it would get me fired. The only thing that is keeping me warm, in addition to the clothing measures outlined yesterday are thoughts of Catherine Zeta-Jones and I sword fighting and making out under the California sky. (fantasy sequence compliments of Aviva.)

Yay! My acting boss handed out candy raided from her boss' candy jar. I am now the proud owner of a cherry jolly rancher sucker, and one very red tongue.

I'm sorry we can not waive the fee for you. I don't care if you have a platinum account with us. Everyone pays the fee. No I can't get that waived. I understand that you're spending $4k, but everyone pays the fee. (Makes jerking off motion).

"Yeah can I track where they are spent?" No sir, that would raise privacy concerns. "Why?" lie: well sir, we can see if they've been used but not where. "Oh ok, that's what I needed to know." Oh really, you wanted to know if we could track them, why sir? Planning on stealing some maybe? Hmmm? Hm?! But I lied, we can track them, we don't, but if they are lost/stolen, we will find them when they are used. Ha ha.

One hour and 54 minutes to go.

Ok Ma'am, I really don't think that you have a corporate account with us, but since you don't believe me, I'll transfer you over to my cubemate, he'll tell you that you don't have an account and he'll transfer you right back to me. So, here's a hint, listen to what I'm telling you.

If you are just ordering 1, you do not need to have an account set-up with us, you can just go to the website. Ok, you want the account, for 1, ok fine. I'll fill out the form, but it's going to be at least Monday until you can order. You could just go on the website and order it today ... ok ok ... whatever you want.

Photo of the Day

As the sun touches the ocean... I know it touches you...

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Just so everyone knows, there are approximately 1,706,580 shitheads in the state of Texas. These idiots added language to their constitution that denies same-sex marriage, same-sex union, same-sex contract of any kind that may possibly resemble marriage or possibly anything. The amendment is so vaguely worded that it could be construed to ban traditional marriage between and man and a woman.

In other news, the voters in Maine voted to DO THE RIGHT THING, and affirmed the new law that prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.

It is literally impossible to keep people in my apartment. In the past three years, we have had over 12 people live in the apartment, three have moved out under unique circumstances. Now, we are again looking for a roommate - someone who will enjoy the company of three lesbos, two cats and a pot head.

Finally we have a break/lunch schedule here at work that doesn't screw anyone over.

I just talked to a Champagne Ambassador, her company distributes Champagne. I want that job. She was very french and very frazzled. She informed me that she was in the car and she was trying not to kill anyone or herself. I opted to make the call brief.

Don't read something while I'm trying to help you by filling out a form. There should not be seconds and seconds of dead air on the phone while you ponder a simple question like "Your company's name?" This makes me think that you are a prank caller, you don't even know your company's name, but really, as you informed me, you're just busy reading something. Oh. Ok. Now, I feel better about helping you. Because instead of being a money launderer, you're just a jackass.

There is a sticker on the paper towel dispense in the restroom that says emergency feed. As if when I couldn't get a paper towel out of the dispenser it would become an emergency and I would have to take evasive emergency action and use the "emergency feed." Emergency? Really? Is it . . . an emergency? Really?

Sometimes my coworkers are not so bright, the are just now questioning some changes that happened, oh two weeks ago. They're talking about some new limits on something, and I'm staring at the memo that I printed out and posted on my wall, oh two weeks ago.

Once again, I'm sitting indoors with my gloves, hat, and winter coat on. In addition to the two pairs of socks, running tights, regular pants, wife beater, button down and sweater that i usually wear. The thought of a really cold winter in this office building makes me shiver. Literally.

For all of you who love politics as much as I do, here's up to date polling information for the 2006 senate and gubernatorial races, compliments of Dan:

Polling Data 2006

Hey guy, sorry that you think that because you're using your credit card that happens to be the same brand as one of our products that you don't have to pay the fee. In reality, we don't give things away for free, which is why you have to pay a fee. And the option I gave you is where you are going to find the lowest fee. You didn't believe me, so go forth, try to find a lower fee, and when you can't, come back to me.

God dammit people! Listen to what I am telling you before you continue talking. You just told me the same thing you told me before I gave you the solution. Now that I have given you the solution, shut up and think about what you are going to say before you say it. If it is your problem again, and it was solved by the solution that I offered, shut the hell up.

Good Lord! People want me to do things that cannot be done. If you can't do it on the website, what makes you think that I can magically get you what you want? Just because you get to talk to a live person, does not mean that they are not also constrained by the rules of the website. You just get a live person saying your order cannot be processed. Does that make you feel better?

So, someone else in my department might be ready to bite the dust. Greg has an interview this afternoon and if it goes well, he'll be ready to burn this bridge. Great, just great.

He (Greg) winked at me. <-- rolls eyes.

Angelina Jolie is 30 years old, 8 years my senior and I would totally do her, or beg for her to do me. Either way, who doesn't love Angelina?

I've changed my mind about James (my cubemate for all those not paying attention). I like him, he was just quiet to start, and he has a temper, but I am definitely beginning to like him.

James just offered to get me in touch with people that could "talk" to my errant roommate, I declined emphatically. I don't think the situation merits a beat down. But thanks James!

Photo of the Day

Originally uploaded by LynkxsTCat.

I gave you my heart and my life . . .

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

So, who heard about the Carolina Panther cheerleaders that were arrested for having sex in the bathroom of a club? Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, right? Cheerleaders having sex with football players – age old story. But here's where it gets interesting: the cheerleaders were having sex with each other. Here's the link:

  • Panther Cheerleaders

  • 10:20am
    If you need x amount (fill in "x" with your choice of a large number) of our product and you're stressed because you need it by Friday and you're yelling at me because you're stressed, you should take a moment to reflect on why you didn't take care of your order a week ago. Because you waited until the last minute, I'm getting yelled at.

    Don't put me on hold, just don't put me on hold. And really don't put me on hold if you have shitty hold music.

    Read this:

  • Major Paul Hackett

  • Paul Hackett for Congress '06

    Pro-gun (pro enforcing existing gun laws)
    Pro-gay unions
    Check him out.

    Ok, I think that James and I (my cubemate) are friends now. He just offered me gum and I accepted. Hopefully it's not laced with anything that will kill me.

    Ok, it's like 82 degrees today. I was sweating in my apartment this morning. I drove to work with the windows down and the wind whipping in my hair. If this were a summer day, I would be laying by the pool. Instead, clad in running tights, two pairs of socks, a button down and a sweater, I shiver at my office.

    Another lovely British woman.

    I've just been informed that my coworker that leaves early frequently, will be leaving early again today. Fantastic. <-- sarcasm.

    "You're perfect!" I know. smirk.

    Is it better to be forced to share a cubical with someone but get to interact with people all day, or have your own cubical with no human interaction and nothing but the joy of staring at your screen all day?

    Photo of the Day

    Originally uploaded by Rune T.

    Monday, November 07, 2005

    Don’t curse or yell at that car in front of you that is traveling at the speed limit. Maybe they’re going the 30 mph because they got a speeding ticket along this stretch of road two weeks ago and they’re still a little gun shy. Maybe you should go 30 mph too.

    I paid $2.16/gallon for gas today! Remember when that used to not be a good thing? And you lamented to your friends, “God, I paid $2.16 for gas today.” Yeah.

    As Janine likes to say “Shoot me in the face.” It’s Monday!

    In order to placate our department in disarray, our acting boss is buying us pizza today! Yay! Because what I needed was pizza and not someone that is with us here in the bullpen to answer my questions when I have someone on the phone yelling at me!

    Wow, again we are shorthanded. To begin with, our team leader quit (as I’ve mentioned before), so the full-timers are down one person. Today, one of the other full timers’ flight was cancelled and he’s stranded in Phoenix, which means we are down to two full timers today. Furthermore, next Monday and Tuesday, the only full timer here until 6pm with the temps, has jury duty. Though, we are not terribly busy right now, we will be very much into peak next week, which means me and Greg will prolly get back to back calls right up until 6pm and be unable to answer questions about accounts because we don’t have access. Now that, is going to be fun.

    Yay!! They replaced the burned out light bulb on the ceiling over my desk. Now, instead of being cold and in the dark, I’m just cold! No, stripping down today, it is fucking cold and I am keeping all of my clothes on and my coat. I’ll just shiver here, wishing that I had worn my longer socks or my running tights, or a fucking sweater. But I thought, hey, it’s supposed to be upper 70’s today, I’ll be warm enough in this long sleeve shirt. Wrong, very wrong.

    You can just tell when someone you’re talking to is a cute girl on the phone.

    Aww …some guy wanted to see to it that I got the commission, and he wouldn’t let me call him “sir.”

    One hour and 7 minutes remain. Buffalo sauce, beer and bad television beckon to me.

    Photo of the Day

    Originally uploaded by puja.
    Girls . . .

    Friday, November 04, 2005

    Someone once told me that “Opportunity is everywhere,” and I didn’t really get what she meant (because I was stupid.) That has all changed with the recent shake up at the office; the chance of getting my assignment extended beyond January is good.

    In other news, the only thing worse than not being able to get to sleep at night, is waking up at 3am feeling fully rested and having to go back to sleep, only to feel like shit in the morning. Oh wait there are worse things. One of them is having your alarm going off just as you were in the middle of a very pleasant dream about a certain AE (that’s field rep, in company lingo.)

    Just because you have a platinum account, you are not entitled to be bitchy.

    To go to Vegas or to not got to Vegas?

    I go to the restroom frequently so I can run my hands under hot water and de-ice them. I am not looking forward to my philly cheese steak hot pocket today.

    If I were a popsicle, would you lick me? What if I wasn’t a popsicle, would you still lick me?

    Kristen sent me an email earlier where she had photoshopped me into a lifeboat (wearing my sailor suit) fleeing from a sinking boat. She must be more bored than I am. However, she has an office (it probably has windows) and I share a cube in a windowless warehouse, so really, I have no sympathy.

    When did “comfy” become an acceptable word to use in a news article. Is it really so hard to write out “comfortable.” Now, I know I’ve prolly used the word “comfy,” in fact I just used another slang term “prolly.” It’s ok though, because this is my blog and I’ll say what I want, how I want, but shouldn’t their still be some standards for “real” people?

    Will this day never end? Janine is not in her office and has not emailed me all day. She’s a ho. Three hours and 20 minutes remain.

    One of my co-workers just had what we all thought was a bogus call, some dude wanted to order $1 million worth of product and was demanding to speak to the General Manager of the company. La la la. Turns out Mr. Funny-Name-That-Couldn’t-Be-A-Real-Person, was a real person. I found this information out compliments of Google. I love you Google.

    And now the Account Exec who has the account previously mentioned, he’s on the ball, he’s done the intel. What does this mean? He googled the dude just like I did. Which isn’t to say I don’t like the exec, he’s a nice guy; very what you would imagine a sales rep to be, very slick. But not slimely…I genuinely think that he’s a nice guy.

    You say you are the CEO of a company and want to spend over $50k but less than $100k on our products, but you still have an email address at Yahoo. Um, right.

    Wow, that was by far the bitchiest woman ever. She threatened to keep us (don’t ask why there were two of us on the line) on the line until she had spoken with a supervisor, team leader, vice president, president etc. She informed us that the call was being taped and when dear old Chad tried to pass her off to me, she insisted on letting me go, because she was his problem. Good Lord woman, it’s 5pm on a Friday, everyone has gone home, you couldn’t take care of this days ago?

    Forty-two minutes remain. Janine was MIA all day and she’s in trouble.

    Photo of the Day

    Originally uploaded by songwoman.
    Mmmm . . . raspberry swirl . . .

    Thursday, November 03, 2005

    I know you all think I’m crazy, but when I arrived at work today, I took off my coat. Twenty-one minutes later I took off my suit jacket. I don’t know what to say, I was too warm. Who knows what item of clothing might be next.

    I’d just like to point out that if I were still in college on this beautiful day with 80 degree weather and brilliant sunshine, I would be lounging around half-naked on the quad taking in the last rays of summer before winter. Instead, I am locked away in a warehouse, without even a window to see the sunshine that I’m missing … fully clothed and shivering.

    Once again, I am nearly overcome by the temptation to throw things over my cube wall into the various cubes on the other side.

    If you call me for information, don’t put me on hold to answer another phone call. Though, it is very nice to tell your wife (or mistress) that you love her, and it’s good that she already had lunch and that it was nice. I’m glad that I have been updated on your life. Now, I’m not irate with this particular caller because he was quite pleasant, inquired about my day and made small talk about the weather.

    I think they just turned the air conditioner on. While this might be suitable for 80 degree weather in the summer, it is not acceptable in late fall even if the outside temperature does reach 80 degrees. It is especially obnoxious when the indoor temperature of the office is already akin to that of an icebox.

    I’ve just constructed three different spreadsheets to track and analyze the data from the phone calls I’ve been taking. Included therein: calls per week, calls per hour, calls per day, calls per day and hour etc. I’m such a nerd.

    The minutes are creeping by today. Three hours and 15 minutes remain. But tomorrow is Friday!

    I think that I can actually feel the Red Bull coursing through my veins.

    My boss was just escorted from the building. I thought that her last day was going to be Monday, but apparently she decided that she had had enough.

    Shirts are not shirts in the corporate world. Shirts are blouses. As in, “I love that blouse that you’re wearing” and “I love that cami that you’re wearing, where did you get that, it’s so simple.” Oh, you mean this wife beater? I got it in a pack of six from Target.

    I enjoy watching office politics play out, knowing that I am not part of them. I like to watch people jockey for position and attempt to ingratiate themselves with the boss, and attempt to be friendly with all of their coworkers. All the while, I know that they are not qualified to lead and only have a position of authority because management has no alternative and you have the most seniority—which does not mean you know how to do this job better than anyone else. All the while, I know that though you try to make jokes and be popular with the department, more than half think that you are a complete space cadet. I see that your attempts at insightful questions are little more than ploys to make you seem like you are “on top of things.” I love politics.

    One hour and 25 minutes remain.

    Photo of the Day

    Originally uploaded by junku.
    Cat, I'm a kitty cat and I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance!

    Wednesday, November 02, 2005

    I had a call late yesterday afternoon from a woman in California. She had a British accent, with a sort of low and husky voice. I really meant it when I said “Thank you for calling, how can I help you today?”

    It sounds like there is a marching band somewhere in the building. I think that it must be some sort of employee training thing or possibly a motivational stunt. Just another activity that the temps don’t get to go to….

    I’ve just decided to begin photo of the day here at Adventures in Cubeland. I mentioned yesterday that I had just discovered Flickr, and now spend a great deal of time there throughout the day. Ergo, I want to share the best (according to me) of what I find there. Not like I need a reason . . . but really who didn’t love the gummi bears taking over the world from yesterday?

    Another sexy British lady! And she referred to the Queen (as in the Queen of England), while describing her product line to me. I think that she was trying to impress me because I have such a sexy phone voice. All my former phonathoners can testify to that.

    If we told you that you would receive a call within 24-48 hours, and you call back requesting more information, we are going to tell you that your sales rep will call you back within 24-48 hours. No amount of continued calling at Customer Support is going to get you the answers you want.

    I just shamelessly promoted my blog to +50 of my dearest friends. As I wrote in my email to them, I am lower than dirt and should be shunned – but my blog should be read. This is because the only thing better than getting email at work, is checking your stat counter to see that people have read your blog. Now, if they would only leave comments, it would be better than email!

    You are a mobster. You are calling from Miami Beach, FL. You’re interested in our product that you can take to an ATM to get out cash. You want them for “uh employee gift.” And your company name is your name. You don’t have a professional email address and in fact you get your email at Yahoo, and yet, AND YET you want to buy $25,000 in cash based product. Mobster.

    Ohh, I’m making friends with my cubemate. Like I’ve mentioned he’s ex army and a little scary sometimes but we’re bonding over joking about the early 2000’s show, Temptation Island. Here’s a case of champagne, get into this hot tub that has appeared out of nowhere. My what a selection of mood music and condoms we have. Oh look, massage oil and candlelight. No, no, cheating on your significant other is bad. Wink wink.

    I’ve just been informed that my bosses boss is going to sit with us here in our cubespace 2-3 days a week, and apparently she’s not going to let us “get away” with what we have been. I think that means the days of email and surfing the net are going to be severely limited. Great, just great.

    One hour and seven minutes remaining.

    Once again, my coworkers have mischaracterized me. Girls watch porn too, boys.

    Photo of the Day

    Where there is sadness joy
    Originally uploaded by jimfrazier.
    Where there is sadness, joy.

    Tuesday, November 01, 2005

    There’s nothing like going to a party and discovering that you have the same coat as one of your friends in a different color.

    I knew it was going to be a bad call when it started with “Your website isn’t letting me do what I want to do.” Oh isn’t it? Maybe that’s because what your want to do can’t be done. I don’t want to hear “well, can your supervisor waive that fee?” Um, no. No one can waive the fee for your $4100 in business. Maybe, just maybe if you were ordering in excess of $410,000, we could do something for you. But probably not. “so you’re saying that you're sending me somewhere else?” Well yes, you don’t want to pay our fees that are pretty much non-negotiable, and you want a product we don’t have. So, yeah, I’m telling you that we can’t do it, and I’m sending you somewhere else.

    On a completely different call “You’re a jewel, have a great day!”

    For all my bored kids out there:
  • Flickr

  • 11:42am
    My crazy cubemate that laughs maniacally sometimes applied for my boss’ job. Scary.

    I’ve shared my personal email address with two of my coworkers in the past two days, I am such an email slut. Also, as per one of my emails from one of my coworkers, do not dress up your pet for Halloween! If you dress up your pet, you should know that a) your pet should bite you in the ass and b) your pet hates you.

    Wow. I’m a “good girl” as in: “Can you help me get this done?” “Yes sir, that shouldn’t be a problem” “Good girl.” And, if I help, I’ll get “a big smilely face.” Really sir? A big smilely face, what more could a “good girl” ask for?

    Future to-buy list: Serenity movie poster, TATU’s latest release “Ludi Invalidi”

    Oh yeah, this weekend I officially became a real person. I bought … an iron …and an ironing board. I will now have clothes with creases and no wrinkles. Though, I think my method of spritz with Febreeze and hang in bathroom while I take really hot shower worked well enough.

    Well now I feel bad. You’ve been on hold and I found you someone to talk to, but in transferring the call, I messed up. My bad. Sorry.

    Um, no, we don’t have a card that you can purchase to us at an ATM without personalizing the card. That would be an enormous security risk. Yes, we specialize in money laundering. Just pump dirty money into us and we’ll issue you a card that you can take to an ATM and get clean money out. Perfect!

    Do you think that Portia de Rossi over in marcom knows that there is a 22 year-old over in customer support that lusts after her every day?